If only every meeting could be as amusing as Gaylord Focker’s life story. But alas unfortunately for all of us who have been there, you know that you’re god damn lucky if it turns out so. And no, your mistakes don’t endear you to the family nor will they let you live if you break the urn housing an ancestor’s ash remains. Fair warning to you my friend.

Meeting the parents is a big sign. No scratch that, it’s freaking huge. If you need something to gauge how your relationship is going, then look no further than your girl’s willingness to meet the parents.

I should also say that doing so shouldn’t be done lightly. I highly urge you to talk about it thoroughly before even attempting it. Because doing so says a huge statement. You don’t introduce someone to your parents after two weeks! Or two months! Actually you could but my main point is that you only introduce someone to your parents or you get introduced to someone’s, when and only when, you are both ready to take the next step. When you’re absolutely sure that you want your relationship to be something more. It’s as huge as dropping “I love you”, exchanging apartment keys or sending a holiday card together. Just think about it.

Meeting the parents is a mark of trust and commitment. It’s actually a great testament to where your relationship has been and to where it is headed. It’s attempting to integrate yourself into another family, something I might add, the average American spends his whole life avoiding. Nah I’m just kidding. Anyway.

When you do meet the parents, there are a number of things that needs to be considered. Remember that if all the pavements are cleared, these folks may very well turn out to be your in-laws. First impressions are everything. Trust me, if you mess it up, they’ll still be talking about it around the dinner table even if you don’t eventually become part of it.

Conveniently, for some miracle (I think God is trying to make it all up for inventing the whole “dating” game), parents always live very far away. They never seem to live anywhere nearby the place you’re dating. Use it to your advantage. Find out everything about them from your girl a few days before then carefully refresh them in your memory on the ride there. Watch out for anything that might immediately turn them off. Hate the Irish if you need to just to impress them.

But seriously though, expect some resistance on the parent’s part when meeting you. I don’t mean hostility but of course at the back of their heads, they’re going to be thinking that you’re the one who’s going to “take her away” from them. She’s daddy’s little girl. Trust me, your mother will probably feel the same towards your girl. I mean why the hell do you hear so much about the wife versus the mother-in-law scenario huh?

So it is your responsibility to make them comfortable around you. You may be apprehensive but so are they. Their first instinct is to welcome you to the family unless you give them a reason not to. So don’t give them one. Treat this matter with utmost seriousness. Like a job interview. Bad analogy.

Anyway simple things could really help you get the job done. First and foremost, show respect. This is very important. Especially if they are more the traditional types. They wouldn’t take it well if disrespect comes from you or if you assume that they’re okay with the “city lifestyle”. You’re the one trying to fit in so develop a little sensitivity.

Try to be “clean” as possible during your conversations. And I mean this in the sense that although it is implied that you’re sleeping with their daughter, there’s no need to make it explicit. They definitely don’t have to know about what goes on between the two of you under the sheets. So it isn’t a good idea to assume that you could sleep in the same room while you’re there. Basically no sex stuff. I mean imagine if they openly encourage you to talk about it. It’s a whole new level of weirdness that you don’t want to be in I wager.

As the parent’s first impressions are crucial, refrain from exhibiting any vices while in their presence. You want to be in their good books so avoid drinking alcohol or smoking unless of course they graciously offer you some.

Also don’t be hesitant in answering their questions. Naturally, they would want to know more about you. Your profession, your plans for the future, your political party. Be sure to be ready to open up about these things. Basically, honesty is the key. I’m sure they’ll like you if you show them who you are and not invent someone who you think fits their liking.